At times I feel the demand of the day. I begin to feel overwhelmed and know it is time to find centering and calm. I reclaim my desires and focus on them. My wellness coaching plan: Whole Heart Wellness, is based on this focus.
Reclaim your desires today!
Time has not changed. There are still 365 days in the year, 24 hours in a day and 60 minutes in each hour.
What has changed is the concept: the demand vs time.
This is Mary’s story, see if you relate!
Mary has joined a women’s group at church. She is excited to be a part of a group, especially after the death of her close friend. It has been a year since, her friend died and Mary has become lonely. Mary desires companionship. At the meeting, she signs up to be a part of the Wednesday dinner group. She loves to cook and so volunteers to run the kitchen. This job will include, organizing the volunteers, planning the food, shopping and cleaning up after the meal. Mary knows the demands are high, and working full time she will need to add it into her weekly schedule.
Mary has a great time on the next Wednesday dinner, she feels it went well. But, there are a few complaints. The amount of food was less than before, so Mary notes to get more. The timeliness of the volunteers was slow, so Mary decides to assist in the kitchen prep work next meal. She will plan to leave work earlier next on Tuesday to shop and Wednesday to assist with prep work.
Mary changes her work schedule, but needs to complete the projects for the week, so stays late and works on the weekend. Having less hours on Tuesday and Wednesday, she works through lunch on those days and finds herself eating fast food and picking up quick already made meals at the grocery store. Skipping lunch makes her hungry, so she eats a snack or two on the way to the dinner, at dinner and again as she is cleaning up. Once she is home, tired and disappointed that the meal did not go as planned she grabs a bowl of ice cream and heads to bed. The next day, her boss is not happy with the results of her work, she missed an important meeting Tuesday after leaving early and thus missed a key point in her report.
Mary is tired, she has been failing at work and at the dinners. She begins eating more snacks to calm her feeling of anxiety that feels like hunger. She begins to tell herself that she is to blame for the report and she will need to do more. Next week she will stay longer at work, not missing any meetings. She will then shop and prep food after work on Tuesday, so that it is all prepared for the Wednesday dinner. Following the dinner she will stay to clean up and return home to finish the report due on Thursday morning. She can do it, if she just tries harder. She has all the time she needs!
Like Mary, one tries to complete more work in the same amount of time. Expectations for the outcome are just as high from others. Please work faster but do not skimp. Do not do less than what is required. Do it perfect, do it complete and do it now!
Some times these tasks can be completed, some times they are not. The demands of time and productivity leads to failure of an unrealistic goal.
As time does not change but the concept of time has, the hours, days, years begin to become blurs of negative feeling overwhelmed, tired, angry and isolated.
These feelings may lead to actions of harm to self and others with words of anger, over eating, or other harmful thoughts and actions.
One blames self for lack of productivity and lack of completion, giving self false positive talk of completing the task next time and thus begins the cycle again.
Mary has lost the focus of her desire for joining the Women’s Group. She has become so lost in the demands of others. She has begun to believe she is a failure and only needs to try harder and do more to succeed.
So how does one get off the cycle of demand-action-failure-negative feelings-harmful action-false positive talk-demand?
How does Mary let go of the false positive talk and get back to her true self again?
1. Begin with acknowledging the harmful action, I am over eating, I am working on weekends, I am yelling at my staff, etc.
2. Uncover the trigger of these actions, tired, overwhelmed, stressed, hunger, etc.
3. Adapt the trigger. Adapt to the trigger with changing or replacing the activity. When you find yourself overeating, working late or yelling. Stop, breathe and replace it with something calming. Maybe a walk or a meditation that takes you out of the cycle and into your true self.
4. Release the failure. Release is letting go of that which no longer serves you, as a whole person. If a task is beyond your limits causing the trigger of overwhelmed or stressed; ask for assistance, divide the workload, say “no” to additional work. If a feeling is holding you down, being the trigger for overeating, working late, yelling; share it with others, let it go.
5. Avoid the situation. Remove yourself from the situation of demands that are unrealistic to the time frame of an hour, a day or a year. Reestablish your boundaries of physical, mental, spiritual and emotional protection. Honor your values and beliefs with communicating them to self and others.
Mary no longer could keep up the demands and made a commitment to getting off the self destructive cycle. She acknowledged that she was harming self with overeating and taking personal rest time at home to do work. She uncovered the triggers of her actions from being tired and overwhelmed. She began adapting the trigger, so when she felt overwhelmed and went to grab a snack, she took a walk instead. Mary, began setting personal goals of forming a committee to assist with the dinners and rescheduling her work, so she could participate in the weekly dinners. Mary is now avoiding the situation of the unrealistic demands, as she has established a committee to shop, prep and clean up after the meals. She continues to coordinate and serve meals, as it fits into her daily time available. She has communicated with her boss the need to be a part of the dinner, and rescheduling the Wednesday work day to include her leaving on time without working at home on the weekends.
Mary has remembered the desire for joining the women’s group and now spends weekends hiking or shopping with her new friends!